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Family. We all have one; yet each family is profoundly unique. Being the youngest and only son of an immigrant, successful, overachieving typical Muslim father creates a different definition of family. For me, family comes with pressure. All parents want the best for their kids, and spend their lives working to make their children’s lives better than their own. Yet despite these good intentions, often times, Arab parents’ values and expectations conflict within their childrens’, who have grown up with differing generational values, ultimately creating dual identities. Not only does this pressure negatively impact the mental well-being of Arab children, but it also creates a conflict between the need to assimilate versus the desire to live up to parental expectations through the practice of their religion.
I come from a mixed family and I have experienced different cultures thanks to this. My cousin Andre is 2 years older than me. Andre is my aunt’s son, his father was African American, so Andre was mixed Arab and African. When he was in high school, he had a hard time with math and he inevitably dropped his math class. When he told his parents, his father explained to him that not everyone is made for school and that he can do other things in college like focus on his basketball scholarship and get his English education degree, and that’s exactly what he did. Two years later, I take that same math class, in the same Highschool, and experienced the same hardships with that class. I told my parents I couldn’t understand the class and it was too hard. My parents response was a little different. My father was extremely upset, “Maybe if you studied more, you’re not even trying; your sisters all took the class and they got A’s” he said. I hated that class. I eventually started copying my homework from my classmates because I couldn’t do it myself. Over the course of 4 month I struggled with AP Calculus in senior year, until I ultimately decided to drop the class without telling my parents.
It is the struggle of all immigrant parents to plant their culture within their children. For a lot of Arab parents, success is mandatory, intelligence is expected, and respect is a must. Arab parents have a tendency of constantly comparing their kids to others; the phrase “you can do better” coined by Arab parents, makes them quite hard to satisfy. While there is no harm in motivating them to strive towards growth, this form of continuous judgment causes low self-confidence within Arab teens and a dissatisfaction with their achievements. Arabs culture and tradition created the tough skin our parents have, and their detachment from emotion. As a result, mental health is completely disregarded in Arab culture; depression is a phase and anxiety is cured with a cup of tea. Most Arab parents tend to have no idea what is really going on in their children’s lives. They neglect their mental health and focus on the outer appearance of the family, only to look desirable in the eyes of others. Many parents even undermine such problems and sometimes claim they are the result of the lack of faith, “you wouldn’t feel so worried and stressed if you prayed more.” 
From a very young age, kids are taught to respect their elders and follow orders with no questions asked and that signified respect. Parents often fail to explain their rules to their kids and rarely engage in constructive debates with them, using “because I said so” and “adults know better” as excuses. This forces Arab kids to grow up poor communication skills, unable to their sincere thoughts and feelings or take part in important discussions, in fear of disrespecting their elders. 
The continuous promotion of culture and the idealization of religious Arab Muslim teens conflicts with their strive for assimilation and the feeling of comfort. Dr Louis Abdellatif Cristillo, a professor at Columbia University, conducted a 3 year study on Muslim boys and girls inNew York Citypublic high school, and found that Arab teens feel stressed to express their religious beliefs, considering they are living in a  “community that is ignorant or misinformed of (their) belief system which does not understand (their) religious sentiments.” Yet despite the social disregard which places a pressure on Arab teens to de-align themselves with Islam, these teens feel an incentive to retain their religious beliefs because of their families. In fact, “some students avoid revealing their ethnic identity to non-Muslim students for fear of being ridiculed. More religiously oriented students are, however, forthright about it.” Although some teens do identify strongly with their religion, a vast majority feels that discarding Islam will allow them to be socially accepted. These conflicting realities between society and family ideals create a deeply rooted confusion within Arab teens. 
Yet both of these external pressures Arab teens face are a result of misinformation. On the one hand, Arab parents are so caught up in pushing their kids to keep doing better and to retain cultural and generational values that become disconnected from their children–unable to understand and empathize with their children’s realities and personalities. In fact, “sometimes the pressure is so great that the teenagers go the complete opposite direction or break free by moving away as soon as an opportunity comes up,” says Noura Badawi an educator, trained in Teachers College at Columbia University. On the other hand, there are societal pressures which force Arab teens to feel the need to conform and not identify with Islam, because of the stigmas that have been reinforced in America ever since 9-11–associating Islam with violence and terrorism. 
However, the burdens Arab teens carry would be lifted off their shoulders if both sides took the opportunity to consider the ways they may be wrong or misinformed. For example, parents often fail to explain their rules to their kids and rarely engage in constructive debates with them, using “because I said so,” and “adults know better” as excuses. Instead of instilling poor communication skills within Arab children and making them feel unable to articulate sincere thoughts and feelings, parents should allow their children to take part in important discussions, without fear of disrespecting their elders. The only way for a Muslim Arab teen to successfully have a dual identity is if both of these communities begin to understand the conflicts that Arab teens feel as a result of their own inflicted pressures. 

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Works Cited

Cristillo, Louis Abdellatif. “American Muslim Teenagers: Torn Between Religion and Culture.” Teachers College – Columbia University, 5 Jan. 2009, https://www.tc.columbia.edu/articles/2008/december/american-muslim- teenagers-torn-between-religion-and-culture/.

ARAB CULTURAL AWARENESS: 58 FACTSHEETS. OFFICE OF THE DEPUTY CHIEF OF STAFF FOR INTELLIGENCE US ARMY TRAINING AND DOCTRINE COMMAND, FT. LEAVENWORTH, KANSAS, Jan. 2006, 
https://fas.org/irp/agency/army/arabculture.pdf.

“Islamic Golden Age.” Islamic History, Digital Islamic Library, 26 Apr. 2019, 
https://islamichistory.org/islamic-golden-age/.